why hello there.

With summer approaching, I am looking forward to having extensive time for myself - to read, watch movies, chill. That's one thing I really don't like about school. It forces you to study certain things when you might want to undergo some of your own discoveries in methods otherwise. Of course, one can read and do all that while in school. But having time solely dedicated to one's own endeavors I think allows so much more focus.

"Tick Tock" has proved to be immensely successful and I continue to be so impressed by some of the messages I receive. No kidding, I have received emails from people saying how "Tick Tock" or my other films have changed their lives. One man wrote from Spain how he had been in depression and nothing motivated him until he saw "Tick Tock." My goodness! Just this connection we are able to have with others we've never met before is incredible - especially now with the wide usage and practicality of the internet. What the technology today is allowing I think people at times underestimate. And we must always remember that this technology is not there for its own sake; no, it is there to make us more human, and to allow for more of these types of connections - which I feel is one of the most important things. Now I more understand what it meant when the main character in "Into the Wild" wrote in his journal: "Happiness only real when shared." I find that no matter how many views "Tick Tock" got, or how many comments it received - I was only truly affected when I was made aware of the positive impact it made on people. The superficial happiness received from the success of money and fame and those things are so temporary. But this lasting connection with other people is a source of such a more genuine type of happiness. Reminds me of this quote I recently heard from "Before Sunrise" where a character said something about how magic doesn't exist within us, but rather around us. It exists in that little space between you and me - and when we connect and have some sort of relationship. So much to think about.

On a completely different note, these days I am thinking more about how to really be myself. Here at Oxford, I feel people know my outer layers - the one where I am fun, outgoing, and a dude who makes films. But that other deeper side of me, nobody here knows anything about. It's as if these people only know one half of me - and how do I go about changing this? Am I supposed to all of a sudden just start acting serious and mature? But this is so hard to do. The way I act here - my image, my atmosphere - it's all been solidified throughout the almost two years of college. The same goes with cliques and social groups. It is so sad for me because even if I want to meet new people and find new friends, the social structure makes it so hard for me to do so. I am already known to be a part of "this group" and so I cannot break away so easily, because then it would seem like exactly that: breaking away. There must be some way for me to smoothly reach out to new people and also maintain what friendships I have already. This is something for me to keep thinking about and hopefully solve. Hopefully this situation will much improve when I go to main campus next year as well, where I may be able to meet many new people and show people who I am as a whole - not just as a half.