sorry for a late response

My goodness, it's been a while.

1. Semester's over. Got good grades. Best ever, as a matter of fact.

2. The usual issues with relationships. But now it's over. That's a good thing.

3. Been thinking much about the ideas of friendship, knowledge vs wisdom, and art.

4. I have FLUNG myself into the deepest pit of fire, hoping that by the time I fall to the bottom the fire will have gone out and water will have replaced it. In other words, I'm undergoing the most ambitious film project I've ever done. If I fail, I'm doomed.

5. What am I going to do. I need to find the BEST actors possible, or else the film is doomed.

6. What am I going to do. I don't even have a solidified crew. The film may be doomed.

7. What am I going to do. In high school I always had a loyal filmmaking buddy. Oxford has nobody of the likes. The film may be doomed.

8. I am SO EXCITED about this film! Holy crap! If everything goes to plan and I'm able to organize auditions to be able to find the best actors possible, this film is going to BLOW people's minds away! I can't wait to see it come alive! This is an awesome learning experience! The film is going to be awesome!

Yes, that's what my life is consisted of these days.

a haiku

the sight of all good

a needle in my own mind

here, acupuncture

ha.

Why...

is the most right thing to do also the most hardest thing to do?

Within everyone in a sense there are two wills: the "earthly" will (if you will) that craves superficiality. and then there is the "right" will which despite what the earthly will wants, knows what is ultimately right. between these two forces is much ambiguity at times. but in other cases, the line is clear and one knows what is best to do.

it's just, sometimes that damn earthly will can seem so convincing. what an asshole that will is. i think it should just go away and crash and burn and die like a slug that has been thrown into a pot of salt.

it is the people who have the ability to side with the "right" side consistently that rise to "majestic heights." and it is precisely because doing the right thing consistently is so hard that the word "majestic" is used to describe those heights. after all, there are not many people who reach that place.

but i'd like to.

what the korean market told me yesterday

well, rather not what the korean market itself told me. but what a part of myself told another part of myself while shopping at the korean market.

my friend and i went to shop there to get food for the rest of the week. he said "just pay 20 bucks, i'll pay for the rest." upon hearing this, i was glad, since i knew we were definitely going to get over 40 bucks worth of food. towards the end of our shopping, i spotted some delightful korean popsicles i like. without much thought i said, "mmm, those would be good" to which my friend responded "well then add 'em to the cart!"

a look at the price tag told me the box of popsicles was 5 bucks. that's not small money, and to make my friend pay for that just for my own pleasure would be selfish. but then i realized in my head "waaaaitt, i'm paying 20 bucks. so i guess i'm paying for the popsicles too!" in the end, we bought the popsicles. but who paid for them? were the popsicles included in my 20 dollar contribution? or did my friend pay for it all with the rest of the fees?

you see, this is just like ethics. would you kill 1 man to save 2 others? what if the other 2 people were old? what if they were mentally retarded and old? what if that one man you were going to kill was a hobo with no life? in the end, a decision is made on the part of the individual, not always including the scenario outlined above - but in daily life. we make these moral decisions in our lives and perhaps too many people emphasize ethics too much? how we interpret decisions and events is exactly that - it's how we interpret them. maybe the scenario of deciding between that 1 man and the other two has no right or wrong answer. maybe it's all in our heads.

the important thing is - we must act. sitting there like an idiot not making any decision is the worst thing to do: yet it's the very thing so many of us do consciously and unconsciously. knowing that moving forward is always better than nothingness is the first step to achieving any type of achievement. the majority of humanity sits there with fears: fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of abandonment, fear of intimacy, fear of getting hurt, fear of outcasting, fear of effin' anything! that's why they don't try some new crap. but that's not what's important. what's important is that we "realize that there is something more important than fear." that only by taking action do we learn - and from that very same learning do we learn to make better decisions in the future.

that's the only way. just do it. and then just do some more. and then after that. just keep doing it! woohoo!

So here I am...

3am in the ROK where I am. I think I have insomnia. Let's hope I don't become a terrorist, now.

Now, why is it so easy for me to become blinded by my own selfishness? This is a huge dilemma. This has become a dilemma in the first place because all my life, I have only lived on this body I live in now. I have never ever experienced the consciousness or physical feelings of a significant other.

Yet, I know that the collective of humanity has an identity of itself and that the reader - you are in me and I am in you. 'Tis an interesting balance. Maybe in the end, we all start with our collective self and life is a life-long struggle to find our true individual selves and identities.

that easy class versus that good class

So, I am slowly beginning to get back into the mode of where I'd like to go back to school again. But this time it's a little different. Whereas before I was determined to get the best grades ever, I am now determined to do some actual learning. You see, there is a huge problem in our society that directly correlates numbers to success. This is very unfortunate indeed since a large population of those who actually contributed much to the world is deemed as "failures" in terms of academia. Well, I think I'm smarter than that.

Nothing much more to say here. Well, other than the fact that most of my learning actually comes from outside of the classroom.

Why is US higher education so expensive???

yea so...

humans trying to change humans just doesn't work. what works is humans having true passion to carry out certain acts that can then change other people. people don't change people, things and events change people - like passion and fear and hatred and etc etc etc. in other words: changing people is not the job of people, but rather a job only God can do.

in another related tip, don't spoil anybody - even if you like the other party a lot. it just makes it harder for both parties. and you will start to be taken for granted. "everything in moderation, even moderation" - Mark Twain

meditation, happiness, and a lego truck

I am bored. What should I write about today?

Recently, I've been encountering some stress. And also recently, I've been reading Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat, Pray, Love" I vowed to read this book ever since I saw her talk on TED.com (you should go see it). In the book, she talks about meditation in India. One way to happiness, according to some Indian monks, is by coming to the realization that both happiness and sorrow are inevitable in our lives. Therefore, it is wiser to detach from these potentially very emotional experiences, accept it as it happens, and go on. Then, one does not need to be overcome with sorrow every time something sorrowful happens. Because as I said before, it's not the thing that happens that is bad, it's how people interpret the event that makes it bad. And if one achieves this respectful status, one can achieve a type of constant state of happiness/joy, knowing that life is going the way it should be.

I tried thinking like this. Long story short: it's really hard. And I think I should try meditating regularly. I used to do it a little, but I'm still very much a noob.

In other news, I have been working on this huge lego truck my brother got long ago. He waited for me to come and help him because it's an extremely complicated piece of lego-ness. I'm making this thing and many times I'm just like "who took the time to think up of this, make it, organize instructions for it, and write 4 assembly books for it???" And yes, it must have been a group effort of a lot of people. But how many simple things in life do we take for granted? That shirt you're wearing, somebody had to get the cotton, process it, dye it, design the shirt, cut the fabric, ship it everywhere, wholesale it, retail it, advertise for it, put a brand on it, etc etc etc. I mean, goodness gracious! All around us are the results of thousands if not tens of thousands of people! And this lego truck I'm building ironically is: me trying to build a truck out of the scrap pieces of lego which are the work of some ambitious people over at LEGO.

Unrelated to my previous point: it seems, a main purpose of LEGO is to provide people with the means to build their own creations. What a great idea.

Rejected, but differently.

So I am in Korea now.

Time to break a secret to you guys. I applied to transfer to Emory College a year early. And yes, I spent a lot of time and effort preparing that application, including taking the SAT again. But upon submitting my application, today I received a notice from the admission office that on page 8 of the Oxford College 2009-2010 catalog, paragraph 3 says "Students may not transfer between Oxford College and Emory College." There was no word of this on Emory College of Oxford College's admission sites. I sent an email to the Emory College dean of admission who just in turn said my application will not be reviewed. So then I emailed President Wagner (yes, I am taking it up to the top). I am still waiting for his reply. But I have little doubt that his answer will be the same.

There are very few things in life that annoy the hell out of me, and this bureaucracy is one of them. In high school, they wouldn't let us film our film club ad in an indoor school basketball court because they said we would need a supervisor, written permission and an ahead-of-time schedule setup. So we just filmed it outside. My goodness.

Anyways, the reason I was trying to transfer was similar to the that of Wonmin's. I many times feel limited at Oxford. Oxford has some great people and all, but way too much of my success (arts competition 1st place, campus moviefest best drama, free speech arts competition 1st place, emory tv, etc etc) takes place at the main campus. And simply put, the main campus has a lot more resources I utilize frequently (including more classes). And I was not going to say this, but I think it's ok seeing that not many people read my blog anyhow. I believe the majority of the population at Oxford lacks ambition. Most Oxford people simply exist, and don't LIVE. A HUGE reason of why places like Harvard or Yale is awesome is because of the people there. Most people around you at Harvard are ridiculously ambitious, studious, responsible, etc etc. And there is so much to learn from that.

But now, I will finish my sophomore year at Oxford. Don't get me wrong. Whatever situation I am in I can learn much. Staying at Oxford is not the end of the world for me. After all, I think (I'm trying not to be cocky here) I have a respectable reputation, I have been chosen as a writing tutor, I've got fun classes lined up, and I will be able to stay with my girlfriend. And with the inevitable vast amounts of time that will be available when bored, I can read and undertake some ambitious endeavors (especially related to film). One of the most important individual lessons I learned while at Oxford was of "just doing it" despite the fact that no one else seems to be doing so. Simply put, I am comfortable enough with myself and my abilities to not "settle" into my situation. I continue to be ambitious and strive to learn on my own. And now, I believe I can do that even in the middle of some hillbilly, uneducated, middle-of-nowhere, lame place. And that's an extremely important ability, because one cannot always depend on their surrounding situations to find greatness. One must sometimes necessarily beat down a path of their own where there is none to ultimately be able to reach the greatest type of success.

free will

Many people believe they have total free will but the truth is, we are all very chained to particular decisions based on our personalities/genes/backgrounds/etc.etc.etc. Therefore, what really matters is the rare ability to break out from what we are comfortable with in terms of decision making and to do what we would not normally do. Then can TRUE change be brought about. You can claim to have all the "free will" in the world, but you won't be truly free until you learn to break out from your false/comfortable/outer self.

Perhaps I will write about freedom in my next post.

As Wonmin says: "On a side note..." I think you should watch the film "Poetry" by director Lee Chang Dong.

Demian

Today, I finished a book called "Demian" - a book which I think a very few number of people can truly understand.

The thing is, I've always felt much of this one idea embodied in the novel as well. Most people think of God as the supreme good and deity that is the morally right. But at the same time, must we not respect the taboo and less popular subjects like sexuality, drinking, hate, etc etc? This is not to say that we must worship the devil and hate everybody. But God is certainly more than just that "good" that people mistake Him for. Sex and drinking are not a bad things, only what many people and most societies have made them into. I forgot what the name of that one Chinese symbol is, but it's the one where it's like a circle half black and half white and there are two black and white dots respectively within the other opposite color.

Without bad, there would be no good. It is the very things that cause our suffering that also empower us to become more human. So once again, it all depends on how we interpret the world around us. In addition, we must explore the totality of the human condition, not just the parts of us we consider "pure." As Hermann Hesse says in the book, a baby chick must encounter hardship and break its way out of the shell before it is truly free. After all, a chick is meant to be free from its shell, or else it would die. We too must learn to break out from the negative paradigms all around us today. We must do what is right, not what is common.

Once again, I tried to fit too many ideas into one short passage. My bad.

The beginning of summer

'Tis the start of a new summer! The potentials of summer include: unhealthy amounts of boredom, fantastic opportunities to catch up in gaming, and chances to start creative projects.

This summer I think I'll:

1. write a feature screenplay

2. attempt to write another screenplay

3. work and make money to buy a good mic, tripod, mac pro, and car. (though i'm not sure in which order i'll buy those things)

4. travel into some very isolated nature place and reflect upon many things

5. ______________ for ______________

I've been asked to make a keynote presentation at the IPLA conference hosted at Oxford. So I will be in the East Village residential complex all by myself from the 10th to the 13th. That should be quite interesting. I'll bust out my Steve Jobs presenting skills.

Keep in mind, the future is not "the future," but rather potential time. Make wise use of it! I have a hard time efficiently doing so, but at least I try.

Today, my most successful endeavor was overcoming my boredom. This is an issue I often face. Therefore, upon watching too much TV, I decided I should do something productive. I forced myself to pay some bills, edit my IPLA keynote, and finally update this blog. 'Tis all much better than doing nothing. In fact, that experiencing the negative is better than doing nothing is what I clearly learned during my time at Oxford. Because, doing nothing is literally doing nothing. Nothing and no thing is accomplished. But if one experiences a negative event, one can learn much from it just by shifting mindsets! Interpretation of situation. I further realize more than before of how much of life is dependent upon our heads. By that I mean, so much of what we do is determined by our interpretations of situations, not the events themselves. It is not the tripping on a lump of concrete that makes me mad, but rather my mindset that tripping on a lump of concrete is embarrassing, stupid, and annoying.

Therefore, go out and "just do it!" Anything! Preferably good! But forget not that there is much to learn from the bad! Without failure, success is impossible! I tried to say too much in this post! I should have focused solely upon one theme! But who cares!

hi

Well, I've just pretty much created this blog to just read others' writings and to respond. They can type their responses on my own blog comments or whatnot. I don't expect I'll be writing too much because I already have my own separate journal. But perhaps once in a while I'll decide to write something of value.